So, I awoke in a rather pissy mood today. Believe it or not, that's become a rarity since The Great Uppage Of The Prozac Dosage Of 2010. I can't remember the last time I rolled out of bed feeling like the first person who comes in contact with me is gonna get a punch upside the fucking head. Maybe it had something to do with #5 kicking and slapping the shit out of me in her sleep. I will never understand the physics behind how someone who is only three feet tall can take up an entire bed. I think she does it on purpose. The beatings, not the hogging of the sleeping space. Her nocturnal giggles give her away.
Maybe it has something to do with the God-awful weather we've been getting slammed with lately. For the past five or six weeks, the Skook's been dealing with snow and sleet on an every other day basis. I can deal with ten degree daily high temperatures, but snow? Fuck no. It hasn't even been getting a chance to melt, or be properly shoveled and cleared out, before we get dumped on again. Today was no different than the last six Saturdays. Dreary, cold, wet, icy, repeat.
I dropped off the face of the indoor tanning world about two years ago, but I'm strongly reconsidering it. Skin cancer is starting to sound like a minuscule price to pay in exchange for twenty minutes of daily peace, relaxation, and warmth. I don't even change colors. Never have. I've accepted the fact that I will always naturally look like a sparkly Cullen. Still, the smell of tangerines during a warm power nap is pretty fucking enticing.
And that fucking groundhog? Seriously. I'm surprised no one has put a price out on his fucking head yet. You want a seasonal prediction? Here's your seasonal fucking prediction. The sun is never going to shine on the fucking northeast ever again. The end. And you didn't even need to wake up a hibernating rodent to find that out. Just look outside, people.
To add to my misery, tomorrow is Superfucking Bowl Sunday. And I. Do not. Give. A. Fuck. Everywhere I look it's Green Bay this and Pittsburgh that. Please God, just fucking kill me now. You know what the best part about the Super Bowl is? Nothing. Yeah, I said it. Traditionally, #5 and I would take off for the day, spending way too much money on really useless shit in Wal Mart, but that's not gonna happen this year because the sun is never going to shine on the fucking northeast ever again. And after the fuckery that ensued on Super Bowl Sunday, 2008, it's safe to say I've learned my lesson about attempting to shop in craptastic weather again. One post-natal mother plus four kids stuck in a sub-zero parking lot at 9:30PM multiplied by awaiting the arrival of help in order to fix the fucking van door that iced over and fell off it's track does not equal a good time.
I think I need a nap. And another dosage increase. Oh, by the way, the first person to comment with the exact number of f-bombs in this post gets...nothing. Fuck it. I'm going back to bed now.
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I can totally relate about the Northeast winters. I've lived in Cuyahoga Falls, OH for the first 9 years of my life and then again from 2001-2009 and I can tell you that driving in the snow gets really old pretty fucking fast. Now I'm living in the Bay Area, and it's still cold here in the winters, but it's rainy and I hate that just as much.
ReplyDeleteYou're a really good writer and I enjoyed reading your blogs. I too suffer from being mathmatically challenged. Thankfully, my son is not or I'd be really fucked.