Instinct...

Children are nothing if not intuitive. We are all born with the ability of foresight, but somewhere along the way to adulthood, society erases our capacity to see the wolf underneath all of the wool. Politeness blinds parents to the point of disabling our kids, and essentially teaching them how to lie. How many times, as a parent, do we tell our children to play nice? We warn them to mind their manners. And we punish them for being honest, though we cover it with more deceit - we tell them they were disrespectful. 


For the past two years, I've watched my oldest four begin to come into their own. It's interesting how incredibly antithetic their personalities are from each other. No two have the same preferences in anything, be it clothing, food, music, or even color schemes. They assert their own choices individually, as individuals should. Yet, concerning their propensities in regards to people, I won't deny that my kids have an unfuckingcanny knack for recognizing poor character.

Admittedly, I've been guilty on countless occasions of misguiding my young in this concern. I wrongfully instructed them not to - basically - be truthful. Basically, I taught them how to lie. Regretfully, it was for the benefit of others and not themselves. Don't say anything about Soandso's suchandsuch, she's going through a hard time right now. Come give Whoever a hug and kiss before we leave. Whathisname is coming over, you should hang out with him. I'm going wherever with Whoever, come with me. In more than one of these instances, the kids clearly did not want to interact with these people. In every single situation, their instincts were spot fucking on. 

It's been said that the world isn't always black and white, but that's not true. At one point, we all saw it in just that way. We either liked a person, or we didn't. The only difference between kids and adults is the fundamental ability to always speak the truth regardless of what the consequences might be. And then adults came along and completely mindfucked us. During the past week or so, this realization has been nothing short of an epiphany in our house, and my kids got the albeit rare opportunity to laugh and say "Told ya so, Mom!". For years, I've been force feeding these types of untruths to my brood. I have demanded their compliance in order to spare the feelings of others. And believe me, I've learned my lesson. When a child feels the slightest inkling of proclivity toward someone, pay attention. There is always just cause for it. 


Never again will I tell #1 to be nice and make friends with someone he absolutely abhors. Nor will I instruct #4 to attend another godforsaken party because all of her other friends will be there. #5 will never give another solicited hug. Though I will always tell #2 it's rude to stare, I will herein encourage him to speak up and ask why. And #3 will no longer be made to apologize for tellin' it like it is. I don't expect any of these changes to result in accolades. I suppose this will create distances in more than a few relationships, for all of us. But those with genuine intent will be more easily identifiable in a sea of ill-will. 




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